Conversations with a Christian 30

Extremely loud thunder suddenly happens.

Republican: Didn't that scare you?

Me: Why would it?

Republican: God's angry. 

Me: It's the sound of lightning super heating the air. 

Conversations with a Republican 37

Republican: I never bank on my phone because it's not safe.

Me: But do you have 2FA for when you bank on your computer?

Republican: Sometimes. 

Me: It can't be sometimes. It's either on or it's off. 

Republican: It happens randomly. 

Me: That's not 2FA. That's the cookies in your browser expiring and the website no longer recognizes your computer. 

Conversations with a Republican 36

Republican: There's a new spyware from Israel that can infiltrate your phone without you knowing it. 

Me: Spyware has always done that. 

Republican: No. This is different. It can install itself on your phone without you doing anything at all. 

Me: I don't think that sounds right. You'd have to at least visit a bad site, open a bad email or some such. 

Republican: No. It can get into your phone without you doing anything at all. 

Me; You're mistaken. 

Republican: No. It's true. I saw it on TV. 

Conversations with a Republican 35

Republican: What's the address of the website you used? Something <Slash> something else?

Me: That's not the address of any website ever. 

Conversations with a Republican 34

 Republican: I didn't believe in God for a long time. 

Me: Oh. 

Republican: But since I've gotten older I do again. 

Me: That's very convenient. 

Republican: How so?

Conversations with a Republican 33

Republican: I check my bank accounts every morning.

Me: You can set up alerts to notify you of any activity. 

Republican: I know. I have every available alert already set up. 

Me: So why then do you need to check your accounts everyday 

Republican: The alerts only tell me about withdrawals.

Conversations with a Christian 29

 Christian: There is life everlasting in heaven.

Me: No. 

Christian: There is with God. 

Me: So, it would be good to die?

Christian: No. 

Me: Why not?

Christian: ...

Conversations with a Chrisitian 28

 Christian: Whenever I go to restaurants the fries are always too salty.

Me: Do you tell them that you don't want a lot of salt on your fries?

Christian: No. They should ask me. 

Conversation with a Christian 27

Christian: Christmas is a wonderful time of year when we give to the less fortunate. 

Me: So, the less fortunate only matter one month out of the year?

Conversations with a Christian 26

Christian: God loves us. 

Me: Everyone?

Christian: Yes. 

Me: So, he loves all the children that he lets starve and all the ones he lets be molested?

Conversations with a Republican 32

 Republican: I go to the chiropractor and he fixes my back pain. 

Me: Oh. That's good.

Republican: But then I always have to return because after a little while my back feels worse than ever.  

Me: Maybe you shouldn't go to the chiropractor anymore. They're well known quacks. 

Republican: I know, but they're the only one who can make my back feel better. 

Conversations with a Republican 31

 Me: I got a federal jury duty summons. 

Republican: Oh. The supreme court! Wow!

Me: No. The supreme court is judges, not jurors. 

Conversations with a Christian 25

 Christian: When I was younger I didn't believe. But now that I'm older I do. 

Me: That's because you're afraid to die.

Christian: No. I'm just wiser now. 

Conversations with a Christian 24

Christian: God created everything. 

Me: So, God created shit?

...crickets. 

Conversations with a Republican 30

 Republican: I wish I could get rid of my cable TV subscription. I don't watch regular TV, but I need it for Netflix. 

Me: You don't need cable TV to watch Netflix. You only need an internet subscription and a smart TV. 

Republican: I have a smart TV. 

Me: So just use the app in your TV to watch Netflix. 

Republican: It doesn't work without my cable box. 

Me: It does. Just login using the app on your TV. 

Republican: That's too complicated. 

Conversations with a Christian 23

Christian: Spongebob is evil. 

Me: In what way?

Christian: He is. My minister says so. 

Conversations with a Republican 29

Republican: When the dinosaurs decomprehended they became fossil fuels. 

Me: I think you mean decomposed. 

Conversations with a Christian 22

Christian: China is selling us plastic rice.

Me: I don't think that's true. 

Christian: It is true. I saw it on Facebook. 

Conversations with a Christian 21

 Christian: What is Canada?

Me: It's a country. 

Christian: Is it a part of the US?

Me: No it's a separate country. 

Christian: Ok. But what is it?