Conversations with a Republican 28

 I'm a republican. 

Sorry to hear that. 

Be sure to let me know when America is great again. 

Or when it ever was.

Conversations with a Christian 20

 I'm a Christian. 

Okay. So God created everything?

Yes.

So God's best plan was for new people to be expelled from the genitals of women?

I'm not a god, but I could easily come up with a few dozen better ideas. 

Conversations with a Christian 19

 I'm a Christian. 

Okay. So when you die you go to heaven?

Yes. 

So shouldn't you want to die as soon as possible?

Conversations with a Republican 27

 Republican: I voted for Trump because he'll close the borders.

Me: But you have stated numerous times that you know Trump is a liar and a con man and an all around terrible person. 

Republican: Yes. 

Me: So what makes you think he'll keep that promise?

crickets...

Conversations with a Christian 18

 I'm a Christian. 

Okay. So God is omnipotent? 

Yes. 

So he lets children be beaten to death?

No. people do that.

But if he wanted to he could stop it. He's omnipotent.

Not really a god I want to worship. 

Conversations with a Republican 26

 Me: People think there will be gas shortages. I guess they're afraid Trump will levy tariffs.

Republican: The US has one of the largest supplies of natural gas in the world. 

Me: Natural gas is completely different from gasoline and can't run our vehicles. 

Republican: I knew that.

Conversations with Christian 17

 I'm a Christian. 

Okay. So God created everything?

Yes. 

So God created rapists?

Not really a god I want to worship.

Conversations with a Christian 16

 I'm a Christian. 

Okay. So God created everything?

Yes. 

So God created shit?

Yeah. Not really a god I want to worhsip.

Conversations with a Republican 24

Republican: Trump's going to make a law to control food prices. 

Me: The president can't make laws. Only the legislature can do that. 

Republican: Oh. 

Conversations with a Republican 25

 I'm a Republican.

So sorry. 

So, God is fine with men masturbating and having millions of abortions every day... 

But he's outraged when a woman has one?

Conversations with a Republican 23

Republican: My social security number was a part of a major breach. A company in Florida. 

Me: Yeah. That happened to me. I told you about it a few months ago. 

Republican: But I have 'generic brand name' security protection. 

Me: It doesn't sound like it's working if I heard about it a few months ago, you're only hearing about it now and your social security number was still breached. 

Republican: But I have 'generic brand name' security protection. 

Conversations with a Christian 15

 I'm a Christian. 

So sorry. 

How far along is your pregnant 16 year old daughter?

Conversations with a Christian 14

 I'm a Christian. 

Oh. 

So, who raped you first?

Your uncle or your priest?

Conversations with a Republican 22

Republican: My wife drives me crazy. 

Me: Yeah?

Republican: But her good qualities outweigh her bad ones.

Me: Yeah?

Republican: Yes! She cooks and cleans and does my laundry.

Conversations with a Republican 21

 Republican: I voted for Trump because he'll secure the border. 

Me: Oh. Like he did with his border wall?

Republican: Yeah. 

Me: You mean the wall that's only half built, wasted billions in tax payer dollars, is already falling apart and is easily bypassed?

Republican: What?

Me: I can send you pictures and links. 

... Crickets. 

Conversations with a Republican 20

 Me: My brother has a neighbor who's so dumb that she doesn't know what the sun is.

Republican: Really?

Me: Yeah.  (Waiting for him to say what it is). 

... Crickets. 

I never told him that it's a star.

I'm pretty sure he still doesn't know. 

Conversations with a Republican 19

 Republican: Did you hear about the new study on criminal immigrants. Biden's letting dangerous criminals in all the time. 

Me: That doesn't sound right. Did you hear that one Fox News? What are your sources?

Republican: CNN. 

Me: That study covers over 40 years. Multiple presidents, including Trump. I'll send you some links to read about it (which included CNN). 

Me: Studies actually show that native born violent crimes are double those of immigrants. I'll send you the links. 

Me: Fox New is an entertainment channel. It isn't news. Their own on air talent has admitted it. I'll send you the links to read about that too. 

Republican: Ok. 

... Crickets. 

Conversations with a Republican 18

 Republican: Weird how the gas in our cars was once dinosaurs.

Me: Yeah. I guess. 

Republican: How do you suppose people survived living among dinosaurs?

Me: People didn't exist until millions of years after the dinosaurs were all gone. 

... Crickets. 

Conversations with a Republican 17

Republican: Biden destroyed this country.

Me: How?

Republican: Have you seen the prices at the grocery store?

Me: The president doesn't control food prices?

Republican: His policies do.

Me: Which policies are those?

... Crickets. 

Conversations with a Republican 16

Republican: Donald Trump donated his presidential salary to charity. 

Me: Are you sure? I think he said he would, but actually didn't. 

Republican: I'll google it. 

... Crickets. 

Conversations with a Republican 15

 I'm a republican.

So sorry. 

How soon before Chevy/GMC/Dodge repossesses your gigantic $60,000 pick up truck?

Conversations with a Christian 13

I'm a Christian. 

Sorry to hear that. 

Has your doctor prescribed any antibiotics?

Conversations with a Republican 14

 I'm a republican. 

Oh. sorry. 

So, do you hate all poor people or just the brown ones?

Conversations with a Republican 13

 I'm a republican. 

So sorry. 

The truth is a big meanie!

Conversations with a Christian 12

 I'm a Christian. 

So sorry. 

I'm sure your parents brainwashed you in a very loving way.

Conversations with a Christian 11

 I'm a Christian. 

So sorry. 

Heaven isn't real. 

But the hell you've created is. 

Conversations with a Republican 12

 I'm a republican. 

So sorry. 

It must be scary when people use big words.

Conversations with a Christian 10

 I'm a Christian. 

I'm sorry. I understand. 

It's the porn's fault for making you want to watch it. 

Conversations with a Christian 9

 I'm a Christian. 

I'm sorry to have to inform you. 

God isn't real. 

Neither are Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.

Conversations with a Republican 11

 I'm a republican. 

So sorry. 

So, it's wrong for a woman to have a single abortion?

But it's fine for a man to have millions of abortions when he masturbates?

Conversations with a Christian 8

 I'm a Christian. 

I'm sorry. I understand. 

Math is hard. 

Conversations with a Republican 10

 I'm a republican. 

I'm sorry to hear that.

It must be terribly difficult hating so many different kinds of people all at once. 

Conversations with a Christian 7

 I'm a Christian.

I'm sorry to hear that.

It must be hard being wrong all the time. 

Conversations with a Republican 9

 I'm a republican. 

I'm sorry to hear that. 

Does it itch?

Conversations with a Republican 8

 I'm a republican. 

Sorry. 

What was your net profit when you sold your soul?

Conversations with a Christian 6

 I'm a Christian. 

My sympathies. 

So, how many of your children are also your grandchildren?

Conversations with a Republican 7

 I'm a republican. 

So sorry. 

Free thought isn't for everyone. 

Conversations with a Christian 5

 I'm a Christian. 

Sorry to hear that. 

So, how many unwanted babies have you adopted?

Conversations with a Republican 6

 I'm a republican. 

Sorry about that. 

So, income tax is only for the poor?